Saturday, January 1, 2011

New year, new challenges

Okay, so I have a list of New Year's Resolutions flying around in my head and I thought it best to write them somewhere.

After Christmas, some family came to visit and I got to chatting with my Uncle Lyle about a five-year plan. Five years?! I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow, I thought.

So, this Thursday I'm sitting down with my significant other to try and tackle a plan. Until then, I have a few things that I should focus on.

1) I really, really, really need to find myself a permanent, full-time job. The sooner the better.

Absolutely nothing can make you feel more out-of-control than being underemployed. Which is also why a five-year plan seems impossible at this point. Will we have to move for my job? Will I be making $9/hr or $15/hr? Will I work at this job for six months or 20 years?

I have been looking for a job for one year now and I am MORE than frustrated in my job search. I am incredibly wired, high-strung, desperate, angry, and my feelings and behaviors are negatively effecting my job search and personal relationships. I just don't understand why, after a year, I am still working my part-time job (that I held through University) when I have a degree. I've asked for assistance and I've gotten nothing but positive feedback and a few comments: "It's this town, trust me."

2) I really, really, need to go back to the gym and/or start jogging.

I love to run when I'm angry and stressed, and running makes me feel powerful. So why do I insist on avoiding the gym when I'm feeling angry, stressed, and weak? I'm digging out my sneakers today.

3) I really need to do more freelancing.

If I could just put down the knitting needles and turn off the TV, I would get a hell of a lot more work done and actually work in my field. But the lack of control is just exhausting. And when I'm feeling exhausted all I want to do is knit. When I'm feeling stressed, I want to knit.

Uncle Lyle assured me that once I have a five-year plan, my life will feel like it has some direction. The problem is that I don't know what I'm doing from one moment to the next. But I guess that sitting around knitting is just my way of procrastinating. I'm giving myself one month to figure my life out.

So in the next month I am going to cut back on my knitting to five hours per week max! I am cutting back on TV too. It's taking over my life! I've already watched two hours of TV this morning from 7am-9am. Two hours of terrible reruns that I've already seen several times, just to procrastinate getting dressed this morning.

If I'm only allowed to knit for five hours per week, then I think it best that I should only allow myself five hours of TV per week as well (I like to watch TV while I knit). The rest of the time I will be going to the gym, walking the dog, writing resumes, applying for jobs, reading, researching, pitching freelance article ideas, volunteering, and looking for an apartment for us in town.

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